I’m divorced now I’m ready for love so I’ve started dating.

Gillian:

I’m divorced after a million years. Well, it felt that way sometimes. And now I’m ready for love so I’ve started dating. The problem is that I don’t know if I love someone. I don’t even know exactly what love is. Should I be worried? How does it feel anyway?

-Melanie

Melanie:

It sounds like you have had what they’re now calling a “grey divorce.” Congratulations for having the courage to start all over again where it comes to dating. Now you’ve come to the sticky part of learning to feel again when it comes to a partner.

Your question is exceedingly deep, because you’re actually asking something that poets, writers, thinkers, philosophers, even priests and mystics have debated for a very long time. What is love and how does it feel to love someone?

Romantic love can be different for each one of us. Some people want to get butterfly-excited about someone to call it love. Others might want a steady, warm feeling about the other person, knowing they are someone they can rely on. Some people focus on their partner’s appearance and the pride they feel around that.

My point is that you don’t have to ask others how they interpret love, and it doesn’t have to be a crazy, out-of-control feeling. It can be actually quite normal. If you feel strongly that you want to be with someone, if you enjoy their company and conversation, if you look forward to seeing them, if you have trouble thinking about being without them in the future, then you can consider yourself loving that person.

I hope you experience that feeling soon!

-Gillian